Mustard Lambdas
by cheezburgerlover
Summary: A lighthearted oneshot accompaniment to chapter 12 of Barney Begins, Griggs and Sheckley become rebels!


_Mmmmkay. A nice, light oneshot accompaniment to my main story._

"Hey, City 17. I hope you don't mind me cutting this Breencast short. I just have one thing to say. You probably felt that rumbling last night. Do-" John Grigori, or "Griggs" stared at the TV. The Breencast had been cut off, and a new man was speaking.

"Hey, Sheckley! Check this out! Some guy just cut off the Breencast!" Another man, Robert Sheckley, came running to the TV. Sheckley was nonchalant.

"Ah, the Combine'll trace the brodacast and find him. He's screwed." Sheckley walked away, to finish the crappy rations the Combine gave out for breakfast.

"I know there have been several times where you want to rip a CPs guts out, burn the body, and throw the ashes into the ocean. So go ahead! Rebel! The Combine are as weak as they'll ever be. So tell the nearest Civil Protection officer what you think of him. Okay, Breen, I'm giving access back to you. Try as hard as you can to discourage these citizens. It's probably not going to work. Ha Ha!" The broadcast ended.

Sheckley came running back into the room. "Is this guy crazy or what? Rebellion? What the hell is he on?"

"I don't know about you, but I'm gonna go kill something." At that point, footsteps and radio chatter were heard by both men.

"Oh, man! I need a weapon!" Griggs ran out of the room and broke the glass of a fire extinguisher case. He charged down the stairs and slammed the fire extinguisher into the CP's face. An automated voice stated the unit and location of the death.

Griggs stared at the dead body. The metrocop lay on the stairs, lifeless. "Sweet! And I thought that was impossible to do!"

He decided he would need some armor, now that there were people trying to kill him. He unzipped an unbuttoned the CP's suit, and screamed. The CP was scary without his suit. He had some tube jammed in his neck, and his body was a light pink color.

"I need a weapon!" Griggs said to himself. He grabbed a machine gun that the CP used to wield. The cool metal felt satisfying in his hands.

After struggling for a bit, Griggs managed to pull on the suit. He felt invincible as he went back up the stairs, to see another dead metrocop and a smiling Sheckley with an SMG and a suit as well.

"I think we're missing something. I don't feel like a rebel yet." Griggs said. He felt like just another metrocop. Then, he had an idea. He ran back ito the apartment and shot off the bottom of an opened soup can. He slid the can up his arm, to make a newfangled armband. He found a can of mustard, which he dipped his finger in and drew a lambda on the armband. He had heard that Gordon Freeman had a suit with a lambda on it, so he wanted one himself. Now he felt like a rebel.

"Hey, Sheckley. Do what I did. You'll feel more like a rebel!"

"For your information, I only did this for protection against gunfire, not because I want to be a rebel."

"Oh, come ON, Sheckley. You know that's not true. Why'd ya grab a gun?"

Sheckley chuckled. "Oh, you're right, fine." Sheckley made himself a lambda armband.

There were more footsteps. A CP came up from the floor beneath them and started firing. Sheckley roared and tackled the metrocop against the wall. Sheckley grunted approval and shot the CP. Now, there was one extra metrocop suit for another citizen in the building.

"What's going on?" An attractive woman stepped out of her apartment cautiously. Both men gaped at her.

"Uh, well, uh, I killed a metrocop, like that man on the Breencast said. I took his suit and gun, and here I am!" Griggs stated cheerfully, trying to suck up to the woman.

"Hey, I did that too! Here, I can help you into this cop's suit. Don't tell me you don't want it." Sheckley picked up the dead metrocop and slung it over his shoulder. "When you're done changing, take the machine gun and make an armband like this. Then you'll be a real rebel."

"Sweet. I always wanted to kill CPs." The woman dragged the CP into her apartment. She came out a few minutes later.

"That thing is freaky! I'm gonna have nightmares about it!" The woman exclaimed, referring to the metrocop's body.

"You look great!" Griggs complemented her.

She giggled. "Thanks. But since I'm in this suit, I'm gonna go kill something." The woman left.

"Hey, Griggs. You like her."

"No, I don't, you dip. You do, though."

"No, you."

"No, you."

"This is ridiculous. You want to play soccer with this cop?" Griggs pointed to a dead cop on the floor, stripped of suit and ammo.

"Hell, yeah."


End file.
